Laura's blog

This winter is highly unusual for many of us because of the pandemic. The holidays are often a trauma trigger in any case, beyond the simple stress of preparing the celebrations. For example, some people have bad memories of spending holidays with abusive people, while others have to deal with the grief of experiencing their first holiday without a deceased loved one.  This winter, so many people are spending their holidays sick or without those who have died from COVID-19. One of my friends used to make and boost threads about being kind to yourself around the holidays, geared towards those for whom the season is a grief/trauma anniversary. This year, my grandfather died. Later this year, that friend died. Every time I think of all the people who didn't survive 2020, I think of them and how fucking unfair that feels. In 2020, we weren't able to hold a funeral for my grandfather. The social rituals around death, designed to help us deal with it, have been disrupted. Distance is...

I have fibromyalgia and depression, neither of which lend themselves to keeping my apartment clean or standing up for long enough to do the dishes. I have a tiny kitchenette with no automatic dishwasher. So the dishes tended to pile up.  I looked up portable and countertop dishwashers -- too expensive. I only bought two of each utensil and only one fork, hoping that having fewer utensils would force me to wash them immediately. It turns out depression doesn't work like that. So I got a foam mat to stand on. While that helped a little, it was not nearly enough, and my arms and hands would still hurt from washing dishes. I was spending too much of my limited energy reserves on feeding myself. Dirty dishes meant it was hard to prep food. Washing those dishes was exhausting, so by the time I was done, I couldn't prep food. I could never seem to clear the sink, and the untidy environment took a mental toll because it reminded me of my failure and frustration. I spent a little while ...

 How many posts will I write about quitting this blog, only to come back to this blog and write more posts about not quitting this blog? Will it ever be enough? When will it end? When will I learn? Anyway, I have NO idea what I was thinking when I decided to start publishing blog posts on Ko-fi about stuff I like. The whole POINT of reviewing podcasts, books, etc. is that posting your review on platforms like Amazon, GoodReads, or Stitcher is what helps the thing you like get noticed more! So publishing a review on Ko-fi is basically pointless without putting it somewhere helpful! I don't know where my brain was or what I was doing. I still kind of don't. To be honest, I've had an incredibly difficult time writing for a while now -- years, at this point. It's discouraging. However, I think I've put too many expectations on myself for what that writing or creating should be. I'll just go back to using this blog as an outlet for my diary thoughts. I'll probabl...

 Hi all, it's been a very long time since I published anything here. Life got in the way -- but now I have a master's degree. Two master's degrees, in fact. And a heap of student loans, but let's not talk about that now! I also began a patreon and a ko-fi. The Patreon keeps experiencing technical difficulties, and I don't find it user-friendly. The ko-fi platform is simpler but smoother, and has worked pretty well so far. I think that's what I will use primarily to blog from now on. I would like to maintain this site, but crossposting everything I do on two platforms feels a little overwhelming. I mean, I can barely make it to my paying job on time or remember to vacuum. I am trying to make things easier on myself, not harder! The other thing is that this blog is attached to a name that I'm trying to phase out of using. I don't think that I want to use "Laura" online anymore, for a number of reasons. It's hard to figure out where to change ...

Today, I dropped my little foster kitten off at the cat rescue. He'll be cared for medically, go to another temporary foster home, and see many more people who will be more likely to adopt him. And I'll have room for another foster kitty. This is great, but bittersweet, news. I felt guilty leaving him at the rescue because he won't understand where I've gone. I think it's easier for them to bounce back from that type of thing when they're kittens, but I felt especially bad with this foster because he seemed really bonded to me.  When he was littler, he would cry and meow if he couldn't see me, if I left the room, or if he felt insecure in general. He rode on my shoulder, tried to nurse my finger (ouch), and was just very attached and affectionate. He still meows if I'm behind a closed door. Or rather, he did. It was hard to close the door of the rescue center and drive home without him.  Over the holiday, he did really well with all the new people...

I've been reading some books and online articles about dogs and did you know how amazing dogs are?? Just, from a scientific standpoint?? The history of dogs and dog breeds. Dog noses. Dogs that find lost pets. Dogs that rescue people. Dogs that detect seizures. Dogs that hunt invasive species at ports or just look fucking fabulous at dog shows. Also wild dogs! And FOXES. And other lesser-known canids (canines?) that look very different and sometimes similar and just are all fascinating and cool. I learned, for instance, that Corgis are a herding dog developed in Wales that herds by darting in low to the ground to nip. Whereas the border collies and related breeds herd by using the stare-chase-stare intimidation method. And that Australian Cattle Dogs are part dingo! Who knew? I met a baby Blue Heeler (very similar to Australian Cattle Dog) at work and got to pet a part-dingo dog! My neighbor owns a rescued Australian Cattle Dog. I live next door to a dingo dog!!! *Owen Wilson...

Hi there Bloggerverse, it's me again after a long hiatus. I was in graduate school! I'm sorry! I don't know what the fate of this blog ought to be, if I'm being honest. I thought about deleting the whole thing, since I don't put the work into keeping it updated. But! That seemed like a waste. You can also find me on patreon, where I post ... nothing at all, yet, since I only made my account in order to get in before their shitty new compensation policy kicks in. I have also been doing a lot of reviews still, but on other platforms! Amazon, GoodReads, and B&N have all heard some of my thoughts on some books. I'm still reading and listening a lot, and I do like having an outlet for those thoughts. This is all to say that this blog will probably stay up but that I don't really know what I'm doing with my life right now so it's verrrrry far down on my list of priorities. I'm really only using it at this VERY MOMENT in order to procrastinate...

A book I read was good, and I want to share it with you all via a review! :) I'm reading more of Chelsea Cameron's stuff, and this was a YA contemporary romance novel of hers called Style.  In Style, a nerd and a cheerleader fall for each other. Nerd/jock is a trope in romance which I like, and Style does that except with lesbians. Kind of makes me want every romance staple trope but gayer.  One character is Kyle, a disabled girl from a poorer family whose helicopter parents are hyperfocused on getting her into a good college with lots of scholarship aid. She is focused on college too -- so much so that she doesn't notice she likes girls until she's hit over the head with a crush on ice queen cheerleader Stella.  Stella is a closeted lesbian and cheer captain who is also hyperfocused on getting into college -- because then she feels like she can come out to everyone and be her real, lesbian, self. When she's paired with Kyle on an English assignment, she has...

My class was cancelled today. This means I don't have to turn in work that is probably -- definitely -- below standard. I also get more time to relax and eat lunch, and a little more time to prepare for work rather than rushing off to a 5 PM clock-in time immediately after a class that ends at 5 PM. This seems to keep happening no matter how many times I tell my supervisor that I have class until 5. Ah, well. This delay also lets me dance around the problem I've encountered for one more week, which I would otherwise have been forced to confront today. I think taking this class may have been a mistake -- despite the amount that I've learned. An incident occurred in the last class I attended that made me lose a great deal of respect for and trust in the instructor, and I'm not sure how to resolve that properly when next we meet. Whether the cancellation is a good thing or a bad thing -- because perhaps being forced to confront the issue today would have good -- remain...

Please note! This post has content related to eating disorders, food, and weight. So, you may know that a lot of shit went sideways for me in 2017. The summer in particular...well.  Among all the big upsets happening in my life, I started to put together the pieces on some little things. Things that added up to make the most sense out of a troubling pattern that I'd observed for several years. 2017 was the year I slowly realized I have an eating disorder. What kind? I don't know! Some good general information on ED's can be found here . Whether or not I fit any of the criteria for a diagnosable eating disorder, I definitely have disordered eating and a weird relationship with food.  Maybe it's more of a phobia than an eating disorder -- I don't know. I do know that I hoard food, have an irrational fear of food not being there or of losing food, sometimes eat too much either for no reason or because of a fear that I won't be able to later, and ...

I received a free copy for review, and with the neat and ominous cover art, summary, and pretty cool title, I had high hopes for this book. Even though it took me forever to get around to starting it! I ended up DNFing (did not finish) this one after the first several chapters. I think it will still be helpful to other readers to explain why I put this one down -- in case this sounds like something any of y'all might like. ' Eye of the Storm is a portal fantasy about a group of scientists, documentary filmmakers, and mercenaries who set out to film alleged Neanderthals but are transported through a storm of black flame to a terrifying prehistoric world. In this world, there's a struggle as the reins of power change hand against the backdrop of some kind of sorcerous threat.  There are humans in this world, living alongside dinosaurs and whatnot. Although they don't have technology like we do, they have magic and are significantly past the Flintstones typ...

Double Exposure is the second in the Violet Hill  series of short romance novels set in a queer cafe in Maine. While it's the second in a series, each book can be read as a standalone and you can start anywhere in the series. I picked this one up when it was on sale, and am glad I did!  [Trigger warnings: a character makes an ageist/age-disparaging comment; there's one sex scene; a character mentions past panmisia and rejection from her parents; character describes past queermisia against the cafe]   Plot Double Exposure is an extremely heckin' cute meet cute. Anna is a twenty-something working her butt off at the Violet Hill cafe ... when in walks the beautiful photographer Lacey. Instant crush!  Lacey wants to do a piece on the cafe, and she wants to interview Anna. As Anna convinces her media-shy bosses to do the piece, she knows her enthusiasm for Lacey and her work goes beyond professional interest. But Lacey is a travelling photojournalist...

Hello friends! I've not made much progress on my blog revamp, but I wanted to drop by for a quick blog post. This year I wanted to read more out of my comfort zones and favorite genres, specifically non-fiction and romance. I'm glad to say I enjoyed most of what I read, too -- always a plus. :) I will do a post later on the books as a group and will likely review some of them separately. It's just, well, it's a lot to do. I have not kept up with the pile of other tasks I have to do, either. Mainly, I'm working on a project for school and all else is shelved until that is finished.  I think I will just have to put the blog aside until the New Year, unless I finish that thing before then. Still, I look forward to sharing these wonderful books with you. 

Hello! Hope you are having a good holiday.    I haven't been around on the blog much lately. I'm going to do a revamp of the look of the whole thing and revisit some of my reviews -- revise them, and also revise how I do reviews period.  I'm going to get rid of star ratings and do some other stuff. I've been reading a lot of books that I want to share my thoughts on, but I never seem to have the time to make full-blown posts. I'm going to try to change that and free up more time for blogging...   Have a good turkey day, wherever you are. :)

Hello friends! I woke up at 6:15 this morning for NO REASON and with boundless energy. I have no idea where it came from, but I'll take it. Here's a review of Blind Spot, a YA mystery/suspense novel by Laura Ellen.  I found Blind Spot from an interview with the author on Disability In Kidlit. Their site does great stuff and you should totally check them out.  Protagonist Blind Spot is the story of Roz, a teenager with macular degeneration who is put in a Special Education class for the first time -- and then has to solve the murder of one of her classmates. She has a blind spot in the center of her vision, where everything is blurry. Despite living with this for most of her life, it was never diagnosed and she's been in mainstream class her whole life. Roz is initially angry and offended to be put in Special Ed; she feels like she's being singled out and doesn't like the "disabled" label. However, after a suicide of a disabled teen in the past year,...

For today's review, something a little different: a book of poetry! I don't review poetry often (or ever? not on this blog, anyway) but I do read it pretty regularly and I love poetry, so. When RoAnna Sylver, author of Chameleon Moon and generally cool indie writer person, asked if people were interested in ARC's of But Not Up Here to review, I was excited. But Not Up Here: poems about remembering in neon  is a book of poems about grief, loss, and survival. It's a beautiful collection and, as a plus, the cover is gorgeous as well.  The subtitle, "poems about remembering in neon," references one of the poems in which the speaker talks about Michelangelo's paintings. For years, the poem says, we thought he painted in drab and muted hues -- until art restoration and new technology revealed the bright colors he really used. The speaker of that poem says that anyone who looks at them would think their memories of the lost person are like his painting...

I haven't been around here lately and that's for very good reasons.  If you're a friend or I know you, I'm very happy to take your email or message. It may take me a little bit to get back to you, but I will get back to you. But if we are friends, don't propose me any new projects or fun activities unless I propose them to you first or it's something we talked about ages ago, like the book club/book swap idea I chatted with someone about a while back. Because I will not be available right now. I wish I was! But I won't be.  If I have some kind of contract or agreement with you, you are of course very welcome to check in with me about how the work is going. At this point I don't have any of those contracts with anyone except the nonprofit I volunteer for. And despite some weird technical difficulties on my end, I'm trying to get that work done asap. The only other people I should be hearing from are authors who I beta'd for if they have any qu...

I received a copy of The Kingdom of Oceana for free to review from the publisher. So, here's my review! The Plot The Kingdom of Oceana is told from the perspective of Ailani, the teenaged second son of the king of Royal Island (Hawai'i). One day, he and his brother Nahoa are exploring, when Nahoa dares him to go to a forbidden spot above a waterfall. There, they encounter a tiki head with a strange, malevolent power. Their encounter shapes their destinies, and that of all the island kingdoms of Oceana, forever.  This is a classic coming of age tale set in ancient Hawai'i. Ailani struggles with feelings of rivalry, jealousy, and friendship with his older brother Nahoa, who is bigger, stronger, more confident, and seems destined to become the next king. As we see from Ailani's perspective, Nahoa is frequently nasty, borderline abusive towards his younger brother. Their relationship is fascinating as it dances the line between normal sibling rivalry and toxi...